Setting Boundaries in a Pandemic
We’re now almost 6 months into the coronavirus pandemic and it has been one wild ride. Depending on where you live, we’re all having slightly different experiences. But one thing that links all of us, is the need to change how we interact with the world outside in order to be safe.
Initially, this was done for us through quarantine orders that forced us to follow similar rules to one another. More recently, however, a lot of those lockdowns have been at least partially eased, leaving more choice in each of our hands. This can cause conflict when what is ok for you isn’t ok for your family or friends and is where personal boundaries become really important.
Personal boundaries are limits we set with other people regarding their behavior towards us or behavior that will ultimately impact us. For instance, a personal boundary might be not allowing a friend to yell at you when they become upset but asking that they talk to you calmly instead. Personal boundaries are really important for things like relationship satisfaction and contentment and during times of increased stress and risk become even more important.
Personal boundaries are also a big part of how we manage our own negative emotions by limiting the things that trigger them. For instance, I manage my own anxiety about coronavirus by following a pretty strict quarantine which helps me to feel good about my exposure to the virus. However, each of us is going to have a different tolerance for risk impacted by our own life and experiences and each of us has to decide what is right for us during this unprecedented time.
So what are some ways you can set and hold personal boundaries during this pandemic to help you to keep your sanity amid the chaos? It’s similar to setting boundaries in any situation but here’s five recommendations I have:
Base your boundaries on facts.
Before you decide what you are or are not comfortable with, I recommend educating yourself and basing your decisions on facts. Obviously, coronavirus is so new that there is a lot we still don’t know but its important to stay up-to-date with what we do know. You’ll feel better knowing you are making decisions based on reliable information. This will be important when other people challenge or judge the decisions you’ve made.
Decide what level of risk you (and your family) are comfortable with.
This is a good conversation to have with members of your household since you all influence each other. Talking through risk variables and each person’s feelings about their exposure is important to making decisions that everyone in the household can feel good about. It’s also important to compromise as much as you can and to respect each person’s fears and anxieties.
Try not compare yourself to others or judge others’ choices.
This one can be difficult especially if there’s people you care about who are making unsafe decisions. BUT the truth is each adult has the right to determine what is best for them so wasting our time comparing ourself or judging their choices is only going to lead to difficult feelings. This is a good time to mind our own business and let other’s mind theirs.
Be clear with others about your boundaries.
Since we all have different comfort levels, the chances of someone asking you to do something you’re not comfortable with is high. It’s important to get comfortable with reinforcing your boundaries and not giving in out of guilt or social pressure. Other people might not understand or they might have something judgmental to say about your choices but that is their business. Your business is keeping yourself and your family as safe and happy as possible.
Stay focused.
We’re going to likely be dealing with this pandemic and some form of quarantine for a while. You’re likely going to have to think about and set boundaries to protect yourself for a while. It’ll be easy to get distracted by your own guilt or other’s judgment, but it’s important to your overall mental health to make decisions that YOU feel good about, not decisions that everyone else feels good about.
Pandemics turn the volume up on everything. Whatever issues you were dealing with or anxiety you had pre-COVID, have probably been exacerbated. The same is true for the need for boundaries. They’re something we need in our regular life but also something we need even more during a pandemic. Practicing setting and keeping healthy boundaries will go a lot way to keeping you healthy and sane until we can get through this and back to some sense of normal. Fill out our new client inquiry if you need help setting boundaries or contact us with any questions or concerns.