You’re Not Your Best Right Now and That’s Okay.
2020, if nothing else, will be an unforgettable year for those of us living through it. We’re all dealing with a global pandemic and quarantine as well as widespread political and social instability. Despite the progress it seems we’re making with racial and social justice, it’s been stressful AF, am I right?
That’s why when I see people (that’s me, I’m people) suffering with the predictable side effects of chronic stress and then beating themselves up about it as if it were some personal flaw, I’m sad. Of course you’re tired. Or irritable. Or your face is breaking out. Or you’ve gained some weight. Or you fell off your exercise routine. Or you’re drinking or smoking more than you normally do. Or you’re more emotional. Or you haven’t written that blog post (hello me!) or started your side hustle yet. We’re all struggling.
Chronic stress is hard to manage but expecting yourself to react or behave perfectly while going through chronic stress is a place where real issues can seep in. This expectation can lead to negative self-talk patterns that include shaming or belittling ourselves which deplete our energy and dysregulate our emotions.
If you do struggle with negative self talk, you might be asking yourself what you can do about it.
Start by noticing how you talk to yourself about yourself. You’ll probably be pretty shocked by how mean you can be. Most of us treat ourselves horribly in our own heads and say things to ourselves that we would never say to a loved one. Don’t be too hard on yourself about what you find because it’s something that almost everyone struggles with. Remember, we’re raising our mindfulness which includes no judgment!
Couple your increased mindfulness with cognitive strategies including thought reframing or challenging. Thought reframing simply means reframing something negative into something healthier and more positive. For example, instead of “I’m so fat, I need to diet” you could reframe to “I love what my body can do for me and I want to show it more love through nutrition and exercise. “ Thought challenging means simply that, challenging the factual basis of negative thoughts. Many negative self-talk patterns are not only critical but are often exaggerated to their worst possibility. Challenging them will help you find the nuance and begin to see your strengths and positive qualities.
It’ll also be helpful to educate yourself on the effects of chronic stress so that you can begin to see your symptoms as just that, symptoms and not personal deficits. It’s easy to think we’re just being lazy or emotional when in actuality we are dealing with a predictable and common reaction to stress. This can go a long way to helping us focus on managing our symptoms versus indicting ourselves for our personal failings.
I’m encouraging my clients to be easy with themselves right now and I am reminding myself daily to do the same. We are all dealing with a lot of fear and uncertainty about our future and we need time to process and rest. Give yourself a break and use some of this time in quarantine to show yourself some love. It’ll go a lot further to helping you manage the stress then shaming yourself ever will. If you need more support when coping with depression, fill out our new client inquiry today to start counseling or contact us if you have question.